I've seen articles and TV spots advising parents how to best tell their children there may be fewer presents under the tree this year. Apparently, if mom and dad don't find just the right words, the magic of the holiday will evaporate and the kids will develop gaping holes in their psyches.
I'm crazy about kids and the magic of Christmas, so let me help.
First, don't tell them you're hurting for money. They will scream "Loser!" in your face and accuse you of making lousy career choices and bad financial decisions. Kids can be cruel; don't give them extra ammunition. It's just best to lie.
If the children are older, announce that the family will soon be converting to the Jewish faith. If you have boys break the news this way: "You know those circumcisions you guys have always wanted? Great news!" For girls: "Have you ever wondered -- what would it be like to cook kosher, eat gefeltifish and worry myself to death? Great news!"
If the kids still believe in Old Saint Nick your job is even easier. Open the dialogue by saying, "It sure is a shame about Rudolph."
"Something happened to Rudolph?" they will ask, eyes wide and fearful. "Yes, my dears, he broke a leg during reindeer games and the elves had to put him down. But after what happened to Santa, he wouldn't have been coming this year anyway."
"Something happened to Santa?" they will ask, eyes wide and fearful. "Yes, my dears, a massive heart attack. Right now he's fighting for life in the North Pole ICU. If you want Santa to live, you should say a prayer to Jesus."
"Jesus who?" they will ask.
Yes, thank you for bringing our attention back to the true meaning of CHRISTmas. A poignant end to a funny post.
Posted by: Sophia Fire | December 04, 2008 at 12:37 AM
Right On!
Posted by: Gunslinger Fire | December 04, 2008 at 07:14 AM